Starsky ANT Hutch



Designed by Moni K
Starsky ANT Hutch

Author's note: This story is based on our experiences in our "Camp Satan's Witches III" in Bad Arolsen in April, 2011.

 My thanks go to Moni, Didi, Sabine, Nicole, Renate, Sandra, Elke and Sigi for the great collaboration!



Starsky opened his eyes. He couldn’t see anything. What the hell had happened, and where was he? He remembered he and Hutch getting drunk at the Pits. Had there been a drink too much? “Hutch,” he croaked.


Something next to him moved and groaned. It sounded like a purring cat.


“Hey, kitty, don’t be afraid.” Starsky felt around and touched a hard body.


“Stop it, I’m ticklish!”


“Hutch? Is it you?” Starsky asked, wondering about what he had just touched.


“Yeah, it’s me. Starsk? Your voice sounds strange.”


“Yours isn’t that much better, buddy,” Starsky said. He tried to sit up and felt a heavy cloth over his head. “Maybe we’ve been kidnapped…”


“You’ve read too many detective stories.” Hutch snorted.


“Then, genius, tell me where we are,” Starsky said, scrambling toward Hutch. It was weird, but it felt as if he had six legs. “Something’s wrong.” Starsky shuddered. “Maybe it was one of Huggy’s drinks.”


Suddenly the cloth over their heads moved, and light surrounded them. Starsky squinted his eyes against the brightness.


“Here’s two more ants, Renate!” somebody shouted. “What do I do with them?”


“Put them into the trash can, Didi!” suggested another voice.


Starsky opened his eyes and saw an ant with Hutch’s head! He couldn’t believe it.


The ant looked at him. “Starsk, you are an ant!”


Starsky looked down on himself and froze: He was an ant as well!


“Starsk, get down!” Hutch shouted, pushing Starsky.


“What the hell…?” Starsky exclaimed, but it was too late. The heavy cloth swept them away.


Starsky felt protected and safe when Hutch embraced him with his six long legs. Both fell into a huge black hole.


“Ouch!” Hutch cried out, letting go of Starsky.


Starsky slipped into a sticky compound that smelled of coffee. “Eeck, a used coffee filter.”


Hutch didn’t answer.


“Buddy? Everything okay?” Starsky was worried.


Hutch kept quiet.


“I’m coming, pal!” Starsky scrambled through the damp coffee grounds and hurried to Hutch’s side. Tenderly, he wiped the blond hair off Hutch’s forehead. There he could see a big lump. “You’re hurt, babe,” he whispered. He leaned back against a lid clip and pulled Hutch close.


Hutch sighed and moved his head toward Starsky’s leg.


“Are you with me again, you big ant?” Starsky smiled at his friend.


“I think I am okay, apart from that I’m an ant.” Hutch answered.


“Are ya smelling what I’m smelling?” Starsky asked. Hutch was still alive and okay. And Starsky felt hungry all of a sudden.


“No idea what you mean. Let’s get out of here.” Hutch wriggled out of Starsky’s legs.


“Not before I taste this delicious cheese!” Starsky dug into the leftovers behind the coffee filter.


Hutch looked disgusted. “Come on, let go of this stinky cheese. We need to find out who is responsible for our condition.”


Reluctantly, Starsky climbed the wall of the trash can, following Hutch.


Shocked, he noticed that his body began to change: it grew, six legs became two arms and two legs – he was human again!


The same happened to Hutch. Both men stood in front of each other, in their birthday suits. They looked around and discovered that they were in a cabin.


“What a nightmare!” Starsky exclaimed. “What happened and who did this to us?”


“Shh, I hear voices,” Hutch said and pointed to the front door. It opened and a bunch of women entered the cabin.


“I’m starving!” a woman with very long hair cried out, heading for the kitchen.


“Oh my God, take this to cover yourself!” Hutch handed a frying pan to Starsky. He grabbed the pot on the stove and covered his groin.


“Starsky and Hutch!” all women cried in unison.


“How come they know us?” Hutch looked puzzled.


“Dunno. As I said, a nightmare.” Starsky pulled Hutch with him, walking backwards. He felt vulnerable and helpless.


“This way.” Hutch turned around, causing the women to cry out, enraptured with delight.


“Always trying to impress the ladies,” Starsky said.


“Shut up and run for your life!” Hutch opened the door to the porch and ran with long strides.


“Wait for me!” Starsky stumbled out of the door. He lost the pan but didn’t care. He had to escape the crazy bunch of ladies.


He heard the women shout behind him, “I want an autograph!”


“Hey, do you know they write slash stories about you two?”


“Don’t scare the boys off.”


“Nicole, take a photo with me and Hutch!”


“Starsky, tell Hutch I have a picture for him!”


“Hutch, are you planning to visit Berlin again?”


Suddenly, Starsky heard a loud noise and dared to look back: The porch of the cabin had collapsed, and the women lay on top of each other.


“Are you coming or do you want to strike root?” Hutch had approached him and pulled at his arm.


“You must admit, the ladies have good taste.” Starsky smiled.

"WeŽll take care of them in the next story", Hutch countered.

- The End -




Enter supporting content here